No Yell Zone

Wow, life has been crazy busy, I cannont believe how long it has been since I have posted, I somehow completely missed the month of March. We spent the first week of April on a much needed and relaxing vacation with family, more on that some other time though. We did realize something while we were gone, we need to adjust the way we discipline our children. There has been a whole lot of yelling going on, and that accomplishes NOTHING!

So my husband and I decided we needed a change, we needed a consequence when we dealt with the children by yelling. His suggesstion was taking away coffee. I know, that would be a huge sacrafice, if you know me, you know I LOVE my coffee. But that really would only work in the morning or if we were drinking coffee at the time, we needed something that would work anytime. So, we came up with writing penalties. Yup, penalties. It was something my husband had to do as a consequence when he was growing up and something that we have used on occassion for our own children. Now, it needed to be more than, "I will not yell at the children." So, the Bible verse hunt began. We looked at several different options and finally settled on one. Proverbs 15:1

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
This is to be written 25 times by the purpotrator as a reminder that yelling is not accomplishing anything except making things worse for everyone.

It's amazing how yelling has such a negative effect, when one person yells then someone else starts yelling, or crying, or something else. No one, and I mean no one, benefits from yelling.

Confession time, since we started doing this at the beginning of the week I have had to write the penalties twice, and my husband once. That being said though, I will admit that it makes me think more before just reacting against the kids. It's a good reminder to take a deep breath and talk to the kids instead of yelling or even talking at them. You know what I mean by "talking at" them. It's not quite yelling but there is a definate negative tone and attitude behind it. I am learning to think more and react less, and I'm sure that's something we all could do a little more of.

A birthday and a call from the school nurse

Today is our second son's birthday. Blake is six today, so hard to believe. That's a picture of him around Christmas with a new costume he got, he loves to dress up. And of course his cousin Libby is with him :) I sent him and his brother off to school this morning, and of course a yummy birthday treat for his class.

I had made my list this morning and was checking things off. I have a very busy week this week. Lots to do in youth ministry, and just in life in general. My to-do list helps me to feel less overwhelmed and more in control. I had a plan for today, hey I had a plan for the week. Everything was set, I just needed to take care of things and check them off my list.

Then my cell phone rang, it was the school nurse. My oldest son wasn't feeling well and had a fever. I told her I would come and pick him up as soon as I could. I got myself and the 2 little ones ready and we picked him up. Just like that my plans for the day changed. Isn't that how life goes sometimes?

We make our plans, make our lists, we have everything set out and ready to go in our time, and something changes. That's when we have to learn to roll with it. My kids have to be priority over youth ministry, they have to know how important it is. This does not mean that what I have to get done this week will not get done, this just means that I have to juggle things around a bit and focus on my priorities.

And another reminder that my family has to be a priority. How are you doing on your priorities? Does your family come in a top spot, or are they constantly put on the back burner because of deadlines?

somethings you never forget

It"s been 2 years and yet sometimes it feels like only yesterday. A Wednesday morning, we were sitting in staff meeting when my mom called, I didn't answer, but then she texted me, "call me now" is what it said, I knew something was wrong, but I had no way of knowing what it was. My sister and 2 of her children were in a car accident, a bad one. Before I knew it I was driving to Columbus, I didn't even know where I was going when I got on the road. I could go into great deal, I remember it all vividly, being ushered into the small room in the er at the hospital my sister was in, her in-laws already there, and my heart sank, I knew but my mind begged for them to say otherwise. I could hardly breath as I called Ryan to tell him  our sweet 4 month old nephew was now cradled in the arms of Jesus. I was mad that my mom had not told me on the phone, but  understood that she didn't want to be the one to tell me, especially as I made the 2 hour drive on the icy roads. It was a long day, a long couple of weeks sitting in the hospital, waiting for news, it was exhausting. I think of Lewis often as I watch my daughter, just 3 months older than him, oh what trouble I am sure the 2 of them would have caused together. I am thankful for the joy that Lewis is in heaven, grateful that I will see him again someday. And I am reminded that life is precious and it is a gift. Today I am reminded to hold my children tighter, to enjoy them more and never take for granted hugs, kisses, snuggles, and I love yous.

I am thankful that my sister and my neice survived and that my beautiful neice is a daily reminder of how God moves and orchestrates miracles. I can't wait to see how she continues to heal, how she continues to grow, and all the lives I know she will touch, she has touched so many already.

Switching roles

I love being co-pastors with my husband, working side by side with him and having my best friend to share this crazy journey of ministry with. We have been doing ministry together for almost 10 years now and we have a pretty good system worked out. We each have our normal things that we do. I have always been the more admistrative side of things, planning, writing, sending in forms, and so on and so forth. And my husband has always been a bit of the more outgoing out front person. And I am prefectly comfortable being more in the background. Well, God is certainly pushing me out of my comfort zone. While my husband is stuck on the sidelines I have had to reliquish some of my administrative duties to him for my own sanities sake. I mean, it's a lot of work taking care of a husband, 4 kids, a house, and youth ministry stuff, and I'm tired. So, I need to lighten my load, some of that comes in the way of prioritizing, is it more important for my children to eat, or the basement to be cleaned. Part of me says the basement because then the kids could spend more time down there ;) Okay, but in all seriousness, you get my point. I am quickly realizing that although I really do like to be in control of things (yes, I am admitting it). I NEED to let some things go and let some other people help out.

Included in that is switching some roles with my husband. I have to take on some of the things that I normally just let fall to him, and I need him to take on some of the roles that I normally tackle myself. It's part of being a partnership and working together, it's part of the beauty of being co-pastors, having someone that you can switch roles with when need be. I am so blessed to work with my husband like I do, and I'm so thankful that when I get overwhelmed by the craziness of life and havig to step out of my comfort zone and do the things I don't always like doing, he is my encourager and helps me to keep my sanity. I am also thankful that he puts up with my constant questions about why he does things certain ways even though, "it's not the way I normally do things."

Although there are certainly challenges to being co-pastors, I have been reminded lately of all of the blessings :)

Forgotten Dreams

I have dreams, there have always been things that I have dreamed of doing, and then, life happened. Most of those dreams have been forgotten and pushed to the side, but some of those dreams seem to sit just out of reach in my mind. Close enough that if I reached, if I stretched myself and got outside of my comfort zone, I could touch them, I could grab hold and actually do something about them. So, what is stopping me? What is it that keeps me from really stretching out and grabbing hold? Fear.

Yes, fear. Fear of failure and fear of putting myself out there. Fear that things won't turn out exactly as I have envisioned, and they seldom do. However, sometimes things don't turn out as I have envisioned because God has something far grander in store, far greater than I could have ever imagined.

I need to remember that "I can do all things throught Christ who gives me strength." Maybe if I lethim gve me the push I need to reachout and take hold of that dream, maybe if I truly believe that I am capable with his strength, I can do something I have just dreamed about doing. So, here I go, I am jumping in. I am taking the leap towards that dream I have set aside for so long. I don't really know how I will do it, and I don't know exactly what it will look like, but I know the one who does, and I know that he orchestrates good and beautiful things. So, stay tuned for news of my dream unfolding, it's time I stop sitting on the sidelines and start getting something done.

What are your dreams you have placed just out of reach? Are you willing to let God challenge and equip you to help you realize those dreams?

Return to "normal"?

The older 2 kids have gone back to school today, I would be lying if I didn't admit to being a bit excited about that. The younger 2 are watching a cartoon at the moment and I am enjoying my coffee, my second cup for the morning of course. It's back to staff meeting this morning and trying to get back to "normal", whatever that is.

My husband was injured doing a roofing job at my parent's house about a month ago. We thought he was getting better, we saw the end in sight, until we got news last week that he wasn't healing, he would have to go to a specialist at the Cleveland Clinic and have surgery. Ugh, frusterated would definately describe how I felt when I got the news. January is not a good month for my family, the last 2 have not gone well at all, and I didn't need this on my plate this year. But, my God is bigger than it all. So with my Bible, my coffee, and a praying heart I will move forward. Trying to get back to "normal" while taking on extra tasks and figuring in extra doctors appointments and giving up things that I plan on for me. It's not easy but I can't complain, I saw where my husband slipped on the roof, I saw the possibilities of what could have been, and I am grateful that I don't have to deal with any of that as a reality.

So, I will take our current situation and make the best of every moment and let God carry this very tired woman through each day. And yes, there are piles of laundry and my house is not as clean as I prefer, but my four beautiful kids deserve more of my attention than a dirty floor or a pile of laundry.

Insignificant

That's pretty much how I have always felt, insignificant, unimportant, just not good enough. And I have always felt justified in feeling that way. There was always a reason and always something that I wa doing to try and feel less insignificant.
If only I could...
If only someone would...
If only...

There was always some reason why I felt not good enough. This is how it was in high school, how it was in college, and how it has continued into my adult life. I just have never felt good enough. The quiet me who didn't speak up in class for fear of being wrong or being made fun of. Who tried not to put herself out there for fear of being hurt. The one who people don't really remember. The one who always second guesses herself and feels as though what she has to say has absolutely no significance.

I have been WRONG.

I am a daughter of the most high king, I am significant, I am special, and I do matter!

It has taken me 30 years to get to that point. What a shame that is. I have wasted my time keeping things to myself, thoughts, opinions, insights. I have sat back and watched the world go by. I have inturnally struggled with many things.

God did not call us to be timid and meek, to be insignificant. He has made each one of us because we matter. My low self-esteem an feelings of insignificance have cost me and almost cost me many things over the years. What a mistake I have made.

God didn't make me insignificant. I matter to him, I am precious and beloved. And, if he gives me words to say, then those words matter, no matter if I think that they matter or not. Not sharing when God prompts me to is disobedience.

I pray that God gives me boldness, confidence and courage. Do not mistake this for cockiness or pride. Apart from God I can do nothing, but with God, all things are possible. I just have to do my part to be the willing vessel.

What has God been asking you to do that you have felt to insignificant for or too unimportant to do? Do you trust God? Trust him to be your equipper and enabler.