Insignificant

That's pretty much how I have always felt, insignificant, unimportant, just not good enough. And I have always felt justified in feeling that way. There was always a reason and always something that I wa doing to try and feel less insignificant.
If only I could...
If only someone would...
If only...

There was always some reason why I felt not good enough. This is how it was in high school, how it was in college, and how it has continued into my adult life. I just have never felt good enough. The quiet me who didn't speak up in class for fear of being wrong or being made fun of. Who tried not to put herself out there for fear of being hurt. The one who people don't really remember. The one who always second guesses herself and feels as though what she has to say has absolutely no significance.

I have been WRONG.

I am a daughter of the most high king, I am significant, I am special, and I do matter!

It has taken me 30 years to get to that point. What a shame that is. I have wasted my time keeping things to myself, thoughts, opinions, insights. I have sat back and watched the world go by. I have inturnally struggled with many things.

God did not call us to be timid and meek, to be insignificant. He has made each one of us because we matter. My low self-esteem an feelings of insignificance have cost me and almost cost me many things over the years. What a mistake I have made.

God didn't make me insignificant. I matter to him, I am precious and beloved. And, if he gives me words to say, then those words matter, no matter if I think that they matter or not. Not sharing when God prompts me to is disobedience.

I pray that God gives me boldness, confidence and courage. Do not mistake this for cockiness or pride. Apart from God I can do nothing, but with God, all things are possible. I just have to do my part to be the willing vessel.

What has God been asking you to do that you have felt to insignificant for or too unimportant to do? Do you trust God? Trust him to be your equipper and enabler.

"Good and Saved"

I was ordained about a year and a half ago, it was a long process that I worked very hard for. It was an amazing moment in my life, one I will never forget. I will also remember my interview, but one moment in particular.

We were talking about sanctification and how to explain it to teenagers. One man spoke up and said something about teenagers never really being sanctified, that he'd just be happy if they got, "good and saved".

A year and a half later and I still continue to think about that statement. It sits in the back of my mind and it bothers me. It bothers me because of it's truth. Sometimes we spend too much time trying to entertain teenagers that we aren't discipling them. They are learning how to "do church" instead of how to BE the church.

I have watched many teenagers over the years become really good at pretending to be good Christians. Most of them are good kids. They don't do anything really bad, but they certainly aren't in love with Jesus either.

I know, I know because that was me. I was really good at pretending. But I was a mediocre Christian at best. I know what to say, and I knew where to look in my Bible. I knew the stories and I knew the songs. I didn't smoke, or drink, or party. But I wasn't consumed with God. I spent way too much of my time and energy on things other than God. I wasn't "good and saved". But I was a master of pretending.

It literally breaks my heart. I have been exhausted and consumed by it lately. So, what is next? How do week keep teenagers from a life of mediocrity when they were made for a life of excellence?